Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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