as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize