I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I will die if light touches me.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
