yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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