We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
