If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
