Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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