Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
