It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
