I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
