I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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