Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
