I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
