I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
