Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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