remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
