Tell her she can't have a vagina
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
