how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize