Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
