How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
