no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize