she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
