I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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