We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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