I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
