I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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