Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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