I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
