I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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