So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
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2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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