then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
