your thong is hanging out like whoa
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm sobbing to NWA
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
