Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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