my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
