A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
