but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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