I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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