Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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