My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
