I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
