now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
