I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
barbara walters just said penis...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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