the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
