Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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