Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
