Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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