My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
