I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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