I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
