people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
