The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
