so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
