Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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