jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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