Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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