I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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