I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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