How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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