Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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