Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
vagina is talking i cant
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
