did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
